It seems such a normal question. “What do you do?”. In fact, it is the most common way that we know how to introduce ourselves to each other. Instead of asking “Who are you?”, probing us to identify ourselves by our individual characteristics, we most commonly greet strangers and ask, “What do you do?” as a means of identifying who they are.
So why do we ask each other “What do you do?” to identify them? Well, whether you’re a lawyer, banker, doctor, or stay-at-home mom, it’s very easy to use what you do to define who you are as a person. That particular job role becomes your individual identity card. “I’m Sarah, and I’m a Teacher”, the two become intrinsically tied together. It is a very simple way of confirming your identity without having to delve deeper into personal individualities and identifications that really make us who we are.
While it might seem like a very casual question, it puts a lot of pressure on the answer, as that becomes an immediate and serious reflection of your identity. It is understood as “What do you do for a living?”, ranking paycheck, prominence, and achievement in an instant hierarchy. Our careers are a way of measuring ourselves against one another, and in this situation, there are no alternative grounds to measure each other on.
We are more than our jobs.
There’s more to us than ‘What do you do?’
Who we are, goes so much further than just what our job is – our relationships, our experiences, our values, our interests, and our beliefs all impact who we are.
As much joy, purpose, drive, challenge, or knowledge our careers may provide us with, that is not all there is to our being. That is just one part of our puzzle, so we must look at how to identify ourselves outside of just one sole title.
When we are working and have a career, being able to answer, “What do you do?” can be very easy and doesn’t involve a lot of thought. But what about when we’re in between jobs? Changing our careers? Taking a break from work? On maternity leave or looking after children? Or we are retired?
We are basing our identity on something that will undoubtedly fluctuate throughout our lives. This can cause a feeling of confusion or lack of self-worth or value when we are faced with the question of “What do you do?” and there is no solid answer. This especially applies when we retire and know that our careers are over, how do we then form an identity for ourselves?
Well, the truth is that no one is so ingrained in one thing that it should become their identity, especially if it’s their career. It is important to be open-minded about how people identify themselves, as well as being open-minded about how to identify your own self outside of your job title, no matter what stage of life you are at.
How can we answer “Who are you?”
Being able to answer who you are without tying it to a role such as “I’m a mum”, “I’m a politician” or “I’m a coach” can be a tricky mindset shift.
The first things to think of are what you like, what you’re passionate about, what your values are and what interests you. This might be “I’m a spiritual, Christian, family-centred, caring female”
These are all aspects of your personality that make you who you are and provide a much more accurate description of yourself as a person than your job title does.
Another way of identifying yourself outside of your career is to think about the things that you do on a regular basis, both work and personally. So this can include sports, hobbies, childcare, certain work projects, or things at home. A way of introducing yourself using this could be “I’m keenly into yoga, healthy eating, and exploring new places, whilst I’m not busy being a mum to three children.”
Here are some engaging and interesting introduction questions you can use next time you meet someone, to really get to know them outside of their work.
“What do you like to do?”
“What is the best thing that’s happened to you recently?”
“What projects are you working on right now?” (this doesn’t have to be career related!)
“What are you really into at the moment?”
“How do you spend your days?”
“What is the most interesting thing you’ve learnt recently?”
“What do you like doing in your spare time?”
“What are your personal goals in life?”
“What is your proudest achievement?”
The key in introducing yourself and starting a conversation, according to the authors of “What to Talk About: On a Plane, at a Cocktail Party, in a Tiny Elevator with your Boss’s Boss”, Chris Colin and Rob Baedeker, is to ask an open-ended question,
“Aim for questions that invite people to tell stories, rather than giving bland, one-word answers.
What to Talk About is not rocket science, but it is a lot like brain surgery, in the sense that is terrifying, risky – and could change you forever”
Good luck in creating and understanding better, deeper, and more fulfilling identities! What questions would you ask as an alternative to “What do you do?” Share with me in the comments!