The conversations that you have with yourself in your head have the power to either help you achieve success or be a major obstacle to your goals.
You have two voices in your head. The first one is caring, positive, understanding, inspiring, and full of self-belief. That voice empowers you to do what you love with confidence and encourages possibility. Then you have the second voice. The voice that doubts you and feeds into your negative thought cycle, preventing you from realizing your full capabilities.
That second voice is your inner critic. The inner critic in you can hold you back or negatively impact your life, becoming a form of self-sabotage. You need to be critical of yourself sometimes if it will help you grow or teach you important lessons. However, if your inner critic is overly dominant, it can cause anxiety and really impact your confidence and self-esteem.
“Negative self-talk is often the little – or not so little – voice in our head comparing us to others, putting us down, criticising, judging, and inducing self-doubt, shame and guilt. Often this voice repeats itself over and over again, with no resolution.” Dr. Kalanit Ben-Ari
Your inner critic might draw attention to your faults or failures. It can tell you that you are stupid, unworthy, flawed, ugly, not good enough, or unlovable. It can undervalue your achievements, dismiss your successes, and highlight your mistakes.
If your inner critic is saying things such as “I’m not good enough to get a promotion at work”, “I’m never going to achieve anything great”, or “I don’t have any friends because nobody likes me”, and you listen to it, then you will struggle to overcome these challenges. You have to believe that you can change something or achieve something in order for it to happen. Otherwise, these negative thoughts will turn into self-fulfilled predictions.
Negative thoughts caused by your inner critic easily lead to higher levels of stress and lower confidence levels. This in turn leads to decreased motivation, feelings of helplessness, and even depression. You are self-shaming yourself, which will undermine your fragile belief in yourself, which in turn then shatters your self-confidence.
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” Brené Brown
Learning to silence your inner critic, and let your positive thoughts outshine the negative ones will change everything. Your inner critic does not motivate you. What will motivate you is the second inner voice. The voice of encouragement, self-compassion, and possibility. When you overcome the critical voice and listen to this voice instead, you are giving yourself permission to be the best version of yourself. Permission to win, to be strong, and achieve greatness.
Your inner critic is the only thing holding you back, so it’s time you overcome it and boost your confidence. Here are some ways that you can silence that voice to create a greater belief in yourself.
Talk to yourself out loud. Voicing your critical voice out loud is a way of making it seem real, rather than overwhelming thoughts in your head. You can use this method to acknowledge the thoughts for what they are, and shut them down.
Acknowledge that your inner critic is the voice of fear. It is this fear that is preventing you from achieving what it is that you want to. By realizing that the voice is that of fear, and not reality, you are allowing yourself to belief in your positive self instead.
Practice positive affirmations. Affirmations are positive statements that you can say about yourself based on a positive self-perception. This will encourage positive thoughts, self-belief and outcomes. Here are some of my favourite affirmations that you can use when your confidence or self-esteem is low.
- I am enough, and I love myself unconditionally.
- I am mindful of what my inner critic is saying to me and how I choose to feel.
- I choose self-compassion every day.
- I allow myself to feel empowered, healthy, abundant, and present.
- I am good enough and beautiful just the way I am.
- I am joyfully creating a new relationship with my inner critic.
- I choose to enjoy the process, not just focus on the outcome.
- I feel empowered to say no, and understand my boundaries.
Use mindfulness and meditation. Mindfulness empowers you to notice what your inner critic is saying rather than letting critical dialogue become part of the background chatter in your head. Take mindful time or meditation moments to tune into these limiting beliefs, acknowledge them and transform them into supportive thoughts instead.
Be your own best friend. Ask yourself what advice you’d give to a friend if they had these thoughts. You would likely offer your friend compassion and encouragement. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding as if you were your own best friend.
Accept with self-compassion. Instead of putting your energy into avoiding or rejecting a negative thought, acknowledge and accept it. Remind yourself that you are not perfect, you are only human and you try your best. Sometimes things don’t turn out how you planned, but you can be accountable for your actions, and move on.
“You can’t build joy on a feeling of self-loathing.” Ram Dass
Just imagine how your life would look without that negative voice controlling your thoughts. You are kind and compassionate to those around you, so it’s time that you treated yourself in the same way.
When you learn how to overcome self-criticism, you get rid of the negative effect that it has on you. This then eliminates the thoughts that limit your beliefs. You are free to achieve your highest potential and find the utmost joy in your life.
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